I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter weighing a lettuce leaf.
This was the first painful confrontation of an Eating Disorder (ED) in my world.
What the heck …….. how could this happen to me?
I reflected on how I had taught my children that dieting wasn’t normal, I didn’t label foods as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, I had modelled healthy behaviour about my own body and health. I thought I had shown them what a healthy relationship with food looked like?
Now I was mad. So WHY? Was it my fault?
There were several events that I could see looking back that had really rocked my daughters world and destabilised it and the ED became her only way to gain back some control. But I felt SHAME.
It would have been easy to listen to this voice and get hung up on the shame, grief, guilt… but that’s the strategy of the deception … ‘make her feel so bad about herself that she is immobilised then she can’t fight the real fight’.
Not this woman, not today!
So I wasted no time in booking into the GP.
I wish I could tell you that it was smooth sailing and the GP supported me from the beginning, but it wasn’t. Turns out, unless you look significantly underweight you need to bring mountains of evidence to support your concerns.
Well I presented what I knew; calorie counting, weighing food, weight loss of greater than 10kg over 4-6 months, focus on food. Wasn’t this enough?
Well it went like this…
“I’m not leaving until I have a mental health care plan for my daughter” (Eating Disorder Management Plans didn’t exist back then).
So the search began for an experienced psychologist in the field of disordered eating weight and body image. They were all booked out for the next 6 months. So in the interim my daughter started to see a general psychologist. I thought this was better than not getting any help.
When we finally got into see the specialist psychologist there was a sense of relief. My daughter didn’t see that there was a problem with her eating, weight or body image. So she attended reluctantly. I remember the day in session that the psychologist told my daughter you have atypical anorexia nervosa. She genuinely looked shocked and burst into tears!
Finally the problem was defined and we could put all our efforts into fighting it.
The day we had meal support therapy as a family is a stand out. That was the day I really got to see the ED in action. We saw the resistance to eat, the tears and the conflict of voices in her head.
I can remember the scene, coaching her to just take one more mouthful….. you can do it. Inside I was feeling overwhelmed with a flood of emotions of sadness and concern… But I had to be focused and remain strong for my daughter.
The fight was real.
The timetable for therapy was tough.
I was told to expect at least 20 sessions with the appointments being weekly for the first 2-3 months. This was difficult financially and meant purposefully allowing everything else to be deprioritised. I realised we needed to make this a priority to treat the disorder quickly and give it everything we had. That’s why I quickly realised I would need to take a few weeks off work to re nourish my daughter and give her my full attention and support. So I provided 3 meals and 3 snacks and supervised and coached her through them, everyday for 2 weeks.
I can definitely say this was one of the most difficult things I have had to do as a parent. Even though I had significant knowledge as a health professional and skills supporting children and adults with ED’s …..it’s ohh so different when its your child!
Yet the weight restoration and nutrition repletion that we saw in this 2 weeks marked the beginning to silence the ED.
You can make a full recovery from ED with the right help and support
Lessons learnt
- Seek help early, trust your gut instinct as a parent, seek a second opinion if needed
- Don’t fall for the trap of the blame game
- Stay committed to the treatment process
- Seek support from specialists in the field; ideally Credentialed Eating Disorder Clinicians (Dietitian, psychologist)
- Prioritise your time, attention and energy to focus on recovery
- As a carer and parent ask for the support you need, have someone you can talk to who understands the journey (Eating Disorders Family’s Australia have free Carer Support & counseling)